in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
