If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
