did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
