coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
