so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Someone signed my nipple.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
