just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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