Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
