If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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