my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
