Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
