the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
did i walk over a car last night?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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