Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
