You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
