I hope mine doesn't look like that
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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