yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
