Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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