God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
