fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
