12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
