so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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