my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
