Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
