yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
