When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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