in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
