The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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