Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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