Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
