I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
