the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
look no pants
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
