it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
