On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
