So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
