Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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