What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
