dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I cannot find my penis.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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