Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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