His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
