so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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