hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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