Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
