Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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