dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
