I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
