Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
