I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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