weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
