Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
