Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
