don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
