Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
