Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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